Circle of Life
July 17, 2022
Life revolves around birth and death. It is a circle
Before I turned 70, I never dwelled on the subject of “end of life”. I was too busy working and following my life’s routine. Now I am 72. The subject of death and dying seems to have bubbled up in my mind more often. Looking at my family history, I figure I have at least 20 more years to live. At least that is my plan. But like in John Lennon’s song, Beautiful Boy, he sang “Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans.” I can’t be sure that life will follow my plan.
When I started studying Buddhism, I came across the idea of “impermanence”. It hit me hard the first time and I cried so much. I threw a temper tantrum because I panicked that I won’t have enough time to live more and accomplish more. I grieved for my unavoidable ending. Now I understand what “impermanence” really means. It asked us to let go of “certainty” and live fully in this moment, so we will have no regret when it is time for us to leave this world.
Most often, dying is not a static but a dynamic movement. If we choose to stay awake and pay attention, we can decide how we will take the journey. Some of us have been dying for a long time because our hearts and spirit have checked out even though our bodies are still here. And some of us, with our hearts and spirit still alive, can continue to squeeze every moment out of our life while our bodies are disappearing.
In a book called “A Year to Live” by Buddhist teacher Stephen Levine, he reminded us that it takes our whole life to prepare for our exit so that we will not have incomplete dreams when we do go.
When I worked in the hospital as a chaplain last year, I specifically chose to work in the Oncologist and Critical Care units because I wanted to know what the patients’ experiences all were about. Every day I listened to the patients talking about the pending end of their lives. Some were afraid and anxious in their voices and their eyes but most had peace and relief. Having worked with death and dying for years, Levine talked about often when someone was told they had only a limited amount of time to live, after their heart constricted with pain and despair, suddenly, they let go of the burden they have been carrying all their lives. They felt completely free to live their lives. Their hearts expand.
All great teachers encourage us to expand our hearts now and let the full life in. So, we won’t have unfinished business when we go.
A while ago, when there was a fire burning near my home, I was urged to pack a bag with essential belongings and be ready to evacuate. It took me quite some time to look around and wonder what I would take. I could not think of anything in my home that is essential to me. I would not deny that the material possessions that I have acquired with my hard-earned money, did give me pleasure and pride that represent the fruits of my labor. But between my life and my belongings, it was not a hard choice.
Levine wrote: Many of us live our lives as half-born. We need to shed our burdens, not just possessions but emotional baggage, expand our hearts, and complete our birth.
To complete our birth is to be a fully alive and whole human being. Traveling light but open-hearted will bring us more happiness, knowing that the present moments are our biggest gift which includes love, friendship, family, and added meaning to someone else’s life. Spreading our love from our big hearts will also help us heal our fragmented selves.
If we believe we are going somewhere after our last breath, we might not be so frightened. Many major religions teach us to prepare to meet our makers with all the glories. In Buddhism, our maker is our “true self “. The work starts the day we are born. Our goal is to become our whole selves before our last breath. This is the complete birthing and dying process.
So let me ask you, “if you only have one year to live, how would you live your life so you will be whole by your last breath?”