Self-care
October 16, 2022
In this uncertain world, it is important to seek self-care and comfort. When I am stressed out, I would search for something to comfort me. This is how I gained so much weight when I was traveling for business. I told myself I deserve to eat and drink whatever I wanted because I have worked so hard. During the Pandemic for the last two and half years, many of us probably ate and drank more to comfort ourselves, ease our anxiety, and soothe the feeling of isolation.
Years ago, I traveled to Europe. After two weeks, I was homesick for Chinese food. I found this Chinese restaurant with a red door in the middle of Rome. I went in and ordered fried rice. I must tell you that no self-respecting Chinese will order fried rice in a restaurant. But that day in the middle of Rome, I needed this to remind me who I am. When the fried rice hit my tongue, I was able to exhale and relax. At that moment, fried rice was my comfort food like mashed potatoes for many others.
Another year, I traveled to Montana. One day, we went out into the woods to search for this particular herd of horses that were not quite domestic or wild. They roamed on this 80,000-acre ranch. We were told to stand still and not move when we spotted them near the watering hole. After a while, one by one the horses strolled close to us to check us out and walk among us. We were told that the horses can sense if we are anxious or relaxed. Once we relaxed, the horses got close enough to let us touch them. At that moment, there seemed to be a sense of harmony between the human herd and the horse herd. This direct and intimate experience has stayed with me until today.
As an equine therapist, my friend Jackie uses horses to help heal her clients who suffered from trauma. Mine and Jackie’s experience proved to me that Unitarian Universalism’s 7th principle, “Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part” is not just a theory but a living truth.
I had Cataract surgery for my right eye on Thursday. Before the surgery, you should have heard me fretting about the procedure, the side effect, and having to wear glasses with only one lens. I am not usually a fretting kind of person. But this time I felt I was out of balance. But instead of finding comfort in my refrigerator, I called the doctor’s office and had a couple of conversations to better understand what side effects I would have after the surgery. I text my friend Dave to hear about his experience. I also Google for a bunch of information. In the end, I felt a lot more grounded and self-assured. Instead of using food and drink, I used additional data to comfort me.
All warm-blooded animals including humans are born with a need to be touched and stroked affectionately. Babies are born with a few innate skills that are called self-soothing such as grabbing and sucking. Sucking can help slow down the babies’ heart rate. After Nicolae Ceaușescu’s regime in Romania was toppled, they went into the orphanages and found many young kids and babies sitting in their cribs and rocking themselves back and forth all day when no one was there to pick them up and hold them. Of course, the more touch and physical stimulus from the caregiver such as parents, the more the children will feel comforted and develop the ability to comfort others.
Our need to be touched often becomes more profound when facing trauma or stress in life. No amount of digital experience in the modern world can feed our need for high touch. Of course, meditation is a way for us adults to slow down our heart rates.
Whether it is through food, animal, data, direct touch, or meditation, we need to remind ourselves that we have tools for self-care to support us through this chaotic time.