Holding on and Letting go

January 2, 2022

This week, I went into my shoe closet and tossed out several pairs of high-heel pumps that I have not worn for years.  These are high-quality and sexy shoes that I would probably never wear again for the rest of my life.  But I had a bit of a hard time letting them go, not just because they cost me a lot of money when I bought them, but because they represented an era of my high-flying life.  Letting them go indicated the closure of that life. There are many junctures in life where we must decide between holding on and letting go. Every New Year also demarks the ending and the beginning of phases of our lives.  It is a threshold that we must cross whether we like it or not. Looking back, I had quite a few “could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve” moments.  If we blink, that moment is gone. We cannot turn back time but we can view this crossing in slow motion to be more aware of what we are holding on to and letting go of.

Once a spider was living in the tree near my house.  Every morning I would see the gorgeous web he built.  Then the storm came and tore through the web.  The next day, the spider would build another web at the same spot.  This pattern went on.  At the end of the week, the web he built was no longer as beautiful as the first ones.  I wondered if he had reached the limit of his will and self-preservation ability.  One day he disappeared and there was no more web. My hunch was that he got smart and moved to a better place so he can start his life and thrive again.

Once in a while, a tiny little flower would show up between the cracks of concrete slaps.  All it does is follow the light. Nature has an amazing ability to heal itself and renew its vitality.

When we have a cut, gradually the wound will heal without much intervention.    However, if we live the kind of life that causes the deterioration of our immune system, the next wound might not heal so easily.  Like our body, if we feel lonely, isolated, and in despair, and don’t find a way to nurture ourselves, the wound of our heart and spirit might not heal either. All beings have the desire to find the crack in the darkness where a slither of sunlight has peeked through.  This is our true nature to renew ourselves and not let our fear and despair swallow us in the dark.

Last year felt like a continuous nightmare brought on by the pandemic.  This collective trauma tested the human’s ability to cope.  It has brought out some of our worst instincts. But at the same time, many of us continue to find ways to heal each other. This is human resiliency in us.  The pandemic has changed our lives.  We will not get back what we have lost.  Every time we go to the river to get water, it is not the same river. We need to let go of yesterday’s normal which is only temporary and cultivate a new way to live.

This year, instead of vowing to lose the same 10 lbs., I decided to let go of the coping mechanism that no longer heals me and to hold onto my ability to cultivate my resiliency knowing that there is always light through the cracks.